So Your Teen Doesn’t Want to Talk About the Coronavirus Pandemic
As parents during this time, we are experiencing an unprecedented parenting phenomenon. With school interrupted during the eventful time leading into spring celebrations and graduations, the impact of remote learning and online instruction efforts can feel even more challenging. The 2020 school year looks nothing like any of us expected, especially to the students.
I am the deeply grateful mama of two balanced and thoughtful young men, one in high school and one in college, both home respecting our family’s decision to self-isolate as much as possible. As we move about the house each tending to our own responsibilities, I find myself checking in with them more than I would be on any previous Saturday with a “How are you, sweetie?”
And how are they on Day Seven of self-isolation, do you ask? “Fine” mostly. Sometimes “good.” And occasionally “hungry” or “tired.” That doesn’t mean there aren’t more emotions and thoughts beneath the surface, but until they decide to share, those emotions and thoughts are theirs.
And how are they on Day Seven of self-isolation, do you ask? “Fine” mostly. Sometimes “good.” And occasionally “hungry” or “tired.” That doesn’t mean there aren’t more emotions and thoughts beneath the surface, but until they decide to share, those emotions and thoughts are theirs.
Yes indeed. Feels suspiciously like most other conversations before we were experiencing a global pandemic together in self-isolation. And that is both unsurprising and perfectly acceptable. Leaving space for them to share on their own terms is key.
Our teen children do need us to provide a stable and secure foundation as best we are able. And they also need spaciousness to find their own unique way to emotionally metabolize both the day-to-day practicalities and the broader implications of the pandemic for them and their generation.
Allowing our teens to experience this through their own lens with their peers with our support is one of the most powerful ways we can help them cope. Some ways we can support them are simple like cooking for them or cooking together. It is in our human nature to seek security and comfort in our basic needs like food.
Allowing our teens to experience this through their own lens with their peers with our support is one of the most powerful ways we can help them cope.
Giving them space to blow off steam and recreate in their own way can help. Suggest structure around school, but then give them the opportunity to choose and manage their own chill time. Online games, YouTube videos, and Snapchat may not be your preferred choice for relaxation, but these connections with peers are important for our teens to maintain some normalcy during physical self-isolation.
Helping our teens find balance can help as well. Offer to have them join when you head outside for some sunshine. Encourage them to take a break from the news. Invite them to walk or workout with you. Listen to each other’s music. Offer to make music or art together. Play some games or watch a movie. But beware of the mandated “forced family fun.” While that can help bring families together when our teens are everywhere but home, during self-isolation that family fun can feel like too much pressure. The more we can foster their autonomy and healthy choices, the less we will find ourselves in that dreaded parental habit: nagging.
But beware of the mandated “forced family fun.” While that can help bring families together when our teens are everywhere but home, during self-isolation that family fun can feel like too much pressure. The more we can foster their autonomy and healthy choices, the less we will find ourselves in that dreaded parental habit: nagging.
The most effective way to support the emotional wellbeing for our teens right now is to provide opportunities for them to share casually rather than pushing them to talk when they aren’t ready or feel that they don’t need to process. Try some open-ended conversation openers like: “So what are you up to today?” or “This self-isolation is new for me too. What is working for you?” Trust that sincere and genuine questions may lead to sincere and genuine exchanges when your teens are ready.
Trust that sincere and genuine questions may lead to sincere and genuine exchanges when your teens are ready.
As we move together through these new experiences, recognize that quality communication on our teens’ terms can lead to peace and ease as they are ready to talk. It is okay to not know the answers. It is acceptable to join with them in your feelings about the uncertainty while also maintaining emotional responsibility as a parent. Direct, honest, face-value communication is an opportunity to build connection. Share plenty of hugs. Tell them you love them. And let them know you are here to talk when they decide.
